Im back!!!

 Hi, hey, hello! As you guys may know I went on a little internet break but I am finally back! I'm doing three things in this post because I'm using it as an outline for a podcast I'm fliming tonight. 

The first thing is a rough posting schedule for blogger and YouTube. Now I want you to remember (this is mainly targeted to myself) that this is very loose and will probably change. But thus week this is what I'm looking at. 

For the first half of the week I want to catch up on all the stuff I prefilled so... 

Sunday- How my break was day overall and my first forth wing video

Monday- my first full day of break pod

Chewsday- part 2 break pod and part 2 fourth wing video 

Then for the rest of the break I NEED TO DO MY ARCANE PODCAST!! And I'll also probably do a fourth wing video. 

For blogger

Monday-Wednesday 

Alec and Todd playlist analysis and Paris and clem playist (but don't post them yet). 

Thursday-Saturday 

Juilet and jerrad playlist. And kholes playlist.  And something fun. 

Another part of this post Is catching you up on where I've been! This is gonna be broken into two parts one, goals and two, pictures. Let's start with goals. 

The first goal was obviously to stay off of social media speficaly short from content and Instagram and no posting. The main reason I did this was just to try to action when it comes to my mental health and it did help (kinda). 

I stayed completely of Insta and for the most part short from content for the expection of TikTok where I only watched comfort creators. I technically only posted twice and neither of them where videos! But did it help? 

As you'll see later I had two kinda melt downs while on break. One over my puppy passing and the other about how I don't feel good enough to be reader. But I do think not being on social media helped calm these emotions. 

Would I do this again? Yes! I definitely would! I post way to much and it's a habit I'm trying to break (I'm just lonely lol). I don't think I'll ever get premtanly but it is a goal of mine to spend less time on my phone! 

Next, boring stuff. I also wanted to do school and keep my room clean. I did well in school but my room is a disaster. 

Content creation. My main goal was to do an arcane pod, personal pod for every day, fourth wing pod, and playlis anaylis. I failed all of these expect fourth wing! 

I just didn't do the arcane pod I was to busy breaking down and reading a horny dragon book. I did do three personal pods (counting the one I'm gonna flim today) so that is enough for me. And the playlist I just didn't get around to! 

Now for media! My main goals where to finish fourth wing, read more in general, watch all the twilight movies, relisten to pure heroine by lorde, and binge all of pot roast mom videos! I did none (no further questions at this time). 

Time for pictures starting off with...

The first two photos are me teaching my daughter (salsa) culture by playing lorde for her. 

The next two are event happening in mesa. The first is just random events and the second is a reading challenge. I highly recommend yall join if you live in the mesa area!

The next two are one, my thoughts my first day of break (I was feral) and two me looking up how many books are in the fourth wing series (I was so shook when I found out there was five). I'm also watching my favorite potroastmom video (I watched it three times in one day)!!

Next!

This was me telling you guys to join the reading challenge!

The first image is from a flea markey near my house. Number two is me at the libary. Three is because I started listening to the Paris Hilton Memoir.  And four was me finding a writting residency and watching Smokey glow! 

Lastly!

I did a whole separate post about iron flame but if you missed it I thrifted a 30 dollar book for two bucks! Skipping forward a bit number four was me finding out I only borrowed part one of fourth wing from the libary and am 75th in line to get part 2 #epic! Also our tires weren't working so our trip to flagstaff ended before we got there. Number two was me hanging out with my sisters pig tweek and three is my childhood cow that I sleep with every night.

Ok and now for the final part, shit I wrote today! 

Starting off strong when I woke up at 3 am and wrote a sad poem about my dead dog. 

I still have the I heart my pitbull sign hanging in my room 

And it breaks my heart to explain to someone new I no longer have one 

That even though I still have your leash and collar I no longer have you

I no longer have gentle grunts and long walks to circle k 

No longer doggy cuddles and stinky kisses 

Grief is a hard thing for people to understand 

It's hard to explain that I miss the smell of your paws and the feeling of your wet nose 

It's hard to say I don't think I'll ever stop missing you

And if I do I never forgive myself

Then in the car I wrote this about me and my husband my mistki

I couldn't quite figure out how someone could write about lobe without having it. It took me till I was older to realize once you did have it. Even if it was just for second. It never really goes away even when it is gone. It lingers, they linger. In soul, on your hips, on the bag under your eyes. No one who loved me has ever left me.

Them I announced I was stupid bit also back! 

Guys I got good news and bad news!!! First my break is over! I'm gonna be posting all the content I flimed today, tomorrow, and possibly tuesday!! Bad news is I didn't finish fourth wing. 

Now I know what you're thinking, alexis didn't you say you only had like an hour left and we're about to start iron flame? To which I reply yes! But um I forgot to tell you I'm a dumbass! 

So basically the way I got the forth wing audiobook was through an app called libby. It's basically an online libary. And fourth wing was available so I grabbed it! What I didn't realize is I got part 1! Not the full book. 

So basically what I'm saying is I've read half of fourth wing. But fear not I'm still officially done with my break just feeling kinda bummed because I'm stupid and other personal stuff. But anyways yay I'm back!

After that I had this unhinged thought

There should be a reality TV show where two exs make playlist for eachother and they have to anazylie eachothers. And they never get answers. 

I came up with a new dance today so this is something I wrote about my feelings on dance 

Dancing is the one time I feel sexy and powerful. I don't post my dances for a creepy man to tell me how good my ass look I know how fucking good I look. I do because I love my body and I want to show other woman you can feel beautiful. I've never felt pretty enough to look good but when I'm dancing I feel like a goddess. Like aphordite I'd is in the room with me telling me to keep rolling my hips till I can't anymore! I don't know I just wanted to share this. I love dancing I love being powerful. 

It let's me get out my anger and spend time with my goddess. I know I'm not the best I know I can do better but that's not what's really important to me. It's important how strong I feel. It's important how good I feel. Nothing else will give me that high. 

That's all for I'm so glad to be back! Sending you all lots of love and remember goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the lighting man strike!