January recap!!!

 Hi, hey, hello! Welcome to my January Wrap up! Now I'm gonna be so ft I did not want to do this. I didn't have a good January. But I did get some really fun photos and had some good times so let's get into it!! 

January started off with some very sad bad things happening that we are just gonna glaze over. 

I went on a nice hike with my dad on the 5th! I went on tons of walks this months to listen to music and audiobooks!

My whole family got really sick and I cried more (I told you this month was not good) 

I made this post board with old cut out carebear boxes. And I went live on YouTube for the first time! 

Ah fourth wing my saving grace. Ok this is a big cagortrey so strap in. 

1. I went on an internet break to find inner peace and it didn't work! But I did drink a lot of coke and ate salt and vinegar chips. 

2. I started a couple books (Finshed none). The main is fourth wing which we will talk about in sec. I also listened to the Paris Hilton Memoir I also went thrifting because for the whole month my libary book store was 50% off. And I got (but haven't started) four of the sisterhood of traveling pants books. 

3. Fourth wing. I'm erbessed with this book I love it so much omg. I don't want to talk about to much here cause I do have multiple videos on it BUT...I started reading this book because I got libby and I've erbessed ever since. I'm hoping to finish in February!!

I made a lot of art and wrote alot this year. I came up with a new idea for a book series, worked on my fantasy series, and wrote poems. I also made a lot of pyschial art which is show up above. 

I also listen to hades town!! I love it!!

The last week of January was by far the hardest. I was working on finals and just over all struggling mentally. Then I woke up today and started my period and it all made sense. 

Im hoping February treats me better I hope you all have a better (or just as good) year/month. Love you all lots. 

Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the lighting man strike!!

Iggy and Elise

 Note 

I'm writing this here because no one views my blogger and will deltle it if I ever get popular so minors can't find it. I'll probably post it on a more age appropriate website lol. Also my strogare to is to full to write in my Google docs and my phone is charging so this can't be a hidden gem in my notes app. I'm currently writing this on my box like tablet watching Madagascar 3. 

"I can't believe I'm inside you." He was going slow so slow it was gonna make me fucking scream. 

"Don't, don't say that." I moaned. He frowned but kept going.

"Why because your embarrassed?" 

"No." I whispered. "Because it turns me on." He smirked. 

It was true the fact that Iggy daphe may was inside me right now made me behave like a feral street cat. If you would have told this to 8th grade me or 10th grade me I would behaved like that for other reasons. Because I would have thought that was disgusting which would have made me disgusting. I would have never thought I could enjoy this so much. 

"Go faster." It came out more like a plee then a demand. He shook his head still smiling. 

"No I like going slow." I rolled my eyes of course he did. 

"Iggy." I whined. Music was playing softly in the back ground. We've done this a couple times and it all started the same. Id put on a playlist we both like that wouldn't be super embarrassing to cum to, we scoot closer and closer till  I'm on his lap. The uh oh his shirt is off then I'm just in my underwear and then next thing I know he's in me.

"Fuck Elise." I was kissing his neck and shoulder. Wen we first started I was to humiliated to do anything other then cover my face with my hands. He sped up moving his hips forward, I gasped for air. 

"Iggy please please " I didnt even know what I was begging for. All I knew is I just needed more. I needed it till I was screaming till I was nothing but a puddle of lust a desire on the bed. 

"Elise." He was going even faster now making me shake. "Elise fuck fuck I'm not gonna match much longer." 

"Please please" I cried again. He went impossibly fast making me cry. I bit down on his houkder to hold back screams. When I finally opened my eyes I saw the huge indent I created. 

"I'm so sorry Iggy I'm so sorry." He just laughed it off wrapping his arms around me. 

"I don't care." He said grinning.

"I do" I whispered hugging my childhood plush cow close to me. 

"Elise." He pushed back my hair to see my face. "It's ok." I felt like crying which was stupid ecause normal people don't cry after sex. He was just being so nice. 

"Promise." He kissed my temple. 

"Promise." 

I hope however is seeing this (even if it's me rereading it) enjoyed it. I've never had sex so I hope this is somewhat accurate. Also Madagascar 3 is the funniest movie Ive ever watched. I love the penguins

 Elsie playlist 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3P4kLEZRw6KALSHuuJM9hv?si=nhaniXSTScSPEpCRVi289Q&pi=-qj6uB95QYG_5

Iggy playlist 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0d3RwD0DnIhxXY3HujJss1?si=JcKL4KbcRbe_ncsyW46I0w&pi=cTtD9igUTGKME

Morton playlist 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0otBcDylWTVlU40VVpBmvp?si=iurXM1CAT_uCC1fX9T9vLQ&pi=1hSKSQaNRG2JY

Jen playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1HimGVnBEGXBMUSqoWn4w7?si=vxA206EyRxKWnESGYDZhdQ&pi=uPDNH-RoT0iUS

Alec playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5C22lSx8D2AkRxVvvFW6x8?si=bGwGWsHrTo60uWrPIVzWNg&pi=e9krZcMOSeuqz

Todd playlist 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/45WRfZlJ9MJhAmQPh5Jfea?si=b7shnN7PR0KpvdZX62f27g&pi=f6GnnQnpQVqjt

Paris playlist 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6TazLZ91WUuM8D8LgfcCFH?si=kR_Wd2wAQgi68tW43-zqnQ&pi=1J1wVLu8SfyiU

Clem playist 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1xd0GP8HKLDeEK6Yhwzfrl?si=cvmdPvzOS8OufJuuel91tw&pi=wVWg-xr4Q-isC

Khole playlist 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2ghLwx02ZC1cnLBmzwHgLr?si=sAIaNE_tQ62Mx6wn8gydoQ&pi=u82d5-fBToG8d

Wednesday playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2ghLwx02ZC1cnLBmzwHgLr?si=sAIaNE_tQ62Mx6wn8gydoQ&pi=u82d5-fBToG8dt 

Jackie playlist 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7fKJ1V3HbrSslsBWkCL4UQ?si=yobYJYhbQ0aaR2IbZ-fCXQ&pi=kyZNhQ9PTxi2E

Juilet playlist 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/78yRKU1KJOM47DFLdFqbFL?si=jxAszLVuTsOb_4u3bCXl6Q

Oliver plalyist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7l80rYkjPAwsnS4lOJfnkk?si=cL5EVuGZTHyq8Gr-b0X1Hw&pi=INLKyHSQQFuPi

Jen and morton playlist analysis

 Hi, hey, hello. If you've seen my previous post you know I'm doing series analyzing my characters playlist. Today we are doing Jen and morton. While Jen and morton aren't the main characters they are the backbone of this story. They are the oldest kids and take care of everyone. So let's get into there playlist! (Also again the cover art is not mine!!) 

Morton 

Morton
Freefall- rainbow kitten surprise
Oakland- childish gambino
Hallucinogenics- Matt Maeson

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0otBcDylWTVlU40VVpBmvp?si=iurXM1CAT_uCC1fX9T9vLQ&pi=1hSKSQaNRG2JY

Jen 

Egirls are running my life- Corpse husband
Tongue tied- group love
Ribs- Lorde

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1HimGVnBEGXBMUSqoWn4w7?si=vxA206EyRxKWnESGYDZhdQ&pi=uPDNH-RoT0iUS

Starting off with morton!!

1. Freefall- Morton is a classic older brother. He has seven younger siblings but is truly a big brother to almost everyone in the story. The line "You're to busy saving everybody else to save yourself and you don't want no help" is litterally mortons anthem. He's to busy protecting everybody else to look after himself. I imagine this is him having a conversation with his mother. 

2. Oakland- Similar to elise morton feels not good enough for Jen. I think his is definitely more of a class thing then a social thing. The whole songs is about what Oakland repsents to the singer. And it's supposed to repsent this higher class place where the love interest has all her shit together. Morton feels like he's unworthy of Jen because he had to take care of 7 kids and he feels like he's tieing her down. He feels like she is Oakland this magical rich place and he is just a man that will never be worthy. 

3. Hallucinogenics- TW for mentions of suicide attempts. When Mortons brother alec goes to rehab morton attempt by taking a bottle of pain meds. After a couple of hours of throwing up and being afraid he's gonna die he calls Jen. She freaks out but stays with him the whole time. This is the song that plays in his head during that day. 

Jen 

1. Egirls are ruining my life- If you couldn't tell this whole show started in 2020. So Jen was at first an alt TikTok girlie who does e girl blush and has part of her hair dyed neon green. Why she still is alt and has partical green hair she has changed a lot since her original character. I do imagine she was a TikTok e girl in her freshman year though which is iconic. 

2. Tongue tied- This song is more of the vibes Jen gives off. I can't describe other then this but, if you were at a party and Jen was there this song would be playing. And she'd be sipping out of a red solo cup with her winged eyeliner and rolling her hips. 

3. Ribs- Like most teen girls Jen is constantly having Existential crisis. Spefically about getting older. I imagine she put this on Juilets playlist because the "Your the only friend I need" line and also because they were girls together. Jen feels alot she has constant never ending deep emotion. She's terrified of death and aging and she just wants to make everyone in her life feel OK bit she doesn't even know how to feel that way. 

I hope yall enjoyed this if you want to heat more about my characters check out my YouTube channel @alexis_silly! Wishing you all a good night/day with lots of good food and happy memories! Goodnight, sleeptight, don't let the lighting man strike! 

 

Juilet and oliver

 Hi, hey, hello! This is the last of the playlist analysis for now but I'm very excited to do it! Today we are talking about juilet and Oliver. They're in a friend group with alec, khole, and Todd. Juilet is also elises sister and kholes cousin. Oliver is the adoptive son of the head football and cheer coach (truly a power couple). Ok let's begin!

Staring with the coolest girl in the world juilet (also known as juiley). I came up with juilet in the 9th grade to be elises older sister. She's a cheer captain (and so to be coach) and is a dance major in college! She also is great at tumbling and stunting. She also deeply loves everyone in her family and gives off big mother vibes.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/78yRKU1KJOM47DFLdFqbFL?si=jxAszLVuTsOb_4u3bCXl6Q

Juileys playlist 

Multiverse- maya manulea 

Juilet- cavetown

Satisfied.-Hamilto

1. Multiverse- This song is unfortunately about Todd Harrington. For some context Todd is kholes best friend and juilet and Todd have had a thing for eachother since she moved to PA in the 5th grade (which khole was NOT happy about). Once they got to high-school they officially became a bit toxic but things got really bad when juilets mom died. Todd was knee deep in the addiction saga and juilet was obviously going through it. Then Todd went to rehab and they officially broke up. Juilet doesn't want Todd back she loves him deeply but she doesn't want to be with him but it does comfort her to know in some universe it worked. And things were ok. For along time she was mad at herself for even dating him because she felt she ruined everything. Now she's just happy the didn't stay together. She loves Todd She hopes in some universe they got there happily ever after but in this one she's OK with just being friends. 

2. Juilet- This is the orgin of her name! You know when you hear a name of a word and then like 2 weeks later you have to name something and you magicaly think of that name. And you don't even realize you did it. That's how juilet got her name and I didn't even realize I stole it from cavetown until my bestie at the time pointed it out. She is and always will be "my special girl" though. 

3. Sasfisted- I don't think juilet counts as a musical theater kid but she definitely loves a good musical. Her favorites being Hamilton, Beetlejuice, wicked, and Hadestown. Also she gives off huge Angelica Schuyler vibes. I mainly choose this song to show you how much big sister enegery she gives off. She is the oldest daughter and it shows! Also she would do anything for her little sister elise. 

Now time for Oliver! Oliver was created to balance out the athlete engery in this story. All his friends are in athletics but not Oli. He's a tech major and the only competition he did was chess club. Which his friends obviously fully supported. It is a bit ironic knowing his parents coach athletics but they love him for who he is. Oliver's plalylist is the most chatioc because it's a mix between techno music, classical music, and 2000s pop. Let's end on a fun note!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7l80rYkjPAwsnS4lOJfnkk?si=cL5EVuGZTHyq8Gr-b0X1Hw&pi=INLKyHSQQFuPi

Oliver's playlist 

Toxic- Britnay spears 

What a wonderful life- Louis amrstrong

WAP- Megan thee stallion and card b

Toxic- as stated before Oliver is a pop girlie. I imagine this is what he plays in the car while driving to his statics class. He gives a sort of Mike's mic engery where he just knows a lot about pop culture so he definitely has every Brittany album ranked. 

What a wonder life- One thing about Oliver is if he's not listening to pop music he's listening to old ass grandpa music. This is one of his favorites!

WAP- I mainly choose this one because I think it shocks Todd and khole to there core when they hear Oliver sing every. Single. Word. And that's very funny to me. 

I hope yall enjoyed these I had lots of fun doing them! 

Jackie and Wednesday playlist

 Hi, hey, hello! This is my second to last playlist post because I'm not gonna do playlist for Levi, Leo, bo, and jerrad. I just want to develop there characters a bit more! Right now we are doing jackie and Wednesday!

Wednesday is the girl in the Kay family and she's by far the most bad ass! She plays football like all her brothers and also does basketball and track! She's a pop girlie and I feel like that really reflects in her playlist. Also I'm aware in her playist her name is spelt wrong lol. 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6SVYpBPTZovEkIQbRI3nZm?si=cDv3U_S0R5KZp_AztZCqTw&pi=JbvRZjhQR9Czp

Wednesday playlist 

Bubble gum bitch- MARINA 

I bet on losing dogs- mistki 

I threw glass at my friend's eye and now I'm on probation- Deystore boys

1. Bubblegum bitch- This song is the vibe of the girl who has seven older brothers. It just gives cool girl engery. Wednesday gives off big man eater vibes for being a raging lesbian. And this song screams man eater! 

2. I threw glass at my friend's eye and now I'm on probation- This song is about an inppoarite realtonship with an older guy and that is not at all what happened to Wednesday. So whyd I choose it them? Well one the vibes it gives off big angsty teen girl vibes which Wednesday is. It's chatioc and messy just like her. I also choose it because of the name. Basically Wednesday mom is a crazy Christian woman who abounded her children for her younger more behaved ones. And that obviously pisses Wednesday off. So one time they got into a fight and she kicked her car door in. And the title of this song reminds me of that. 

3. I bet on losing dogs- as stated previously Wednesday has a very toxic realtonship with her mother. So I choose this song for one main reason the line "tell your baby that I'm your baby." I imagine Wednesday sends this song to her mom and what she's trying to say is I'm still your little girl. Even though you moved on even though you have this life without me I'm still yours. 

Jackie's turn! Jackie was originally a more minor character and her biggest thing was being elises bestfriend. She's evolved a bit to be a "but im a cheerleader" stereotype lol. Here playlist was probably the hardest to do because I'm still figuring out her vibe but here's what I have. 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7fKJ1V3HbrSslsBWkCL4UQ?si=yobYJYhbQ0aaR2IbZ-fCXQ&pi=kyZNhQ9PTxi2E

Jackie's playlist 

Barndo- Lucy Ducas 

A kiss- the driver era

Special- SZA

1. Brando- This was the first song I listened to and immediately thought jackie. Similar to clem jackie was in a toxic realtonship for most of her high-school experience. Unlike clem though it wasn't nearly as toxic and jackie left finding out she was a lesbian! I imagine this song really sums up how she felt dealing with that mediocre man. And also how because of it she and Elsie stopped being friends which not to he dramatic but it broke her fucking heart. 

2. A kiss- This is another vibe song jackie likes it a lot and it also reminds her of elise. The part where it goes "your different then the way I loved you, oh the way I loved you" I think is jackie reflecting on how much love (or lack of it) can shape you. It's just a fun song for a fun girl. Despite all her trauma jackie is a really upbeat happy preppy cheerleader. And while being in her realtonship kinda killed someone that when she gets out she finally starts feeling herself again. 

3. Specail- Omg sorry to keep talking about this bumbass man she was dating but it's the most devopled part of her character. This whe song just really repsents how she feels about her realtonship. She felt like her sparkle was taken she fele like a shell of herself. She used to shine so bright and now she's just a flickering candel. And it also is how she feels about losing her best friend. She feels worthless (obviously jackie is incredible and gorgeous and you're not worthless just because you got take advantage of.) 

That's all for now but I'm litterally about to do the last part to this so stay tuned!

Khole, clem, and paris playlist

 Hi, hey, hello! It's currently 6 am and I can't fall back asleep so I'm doing another playlist analysis! Today we are doing the poly couple Paris, khole, and clem! Let's start off with Paris. 

When I was first developing Paris he was supposed to be a weed plug with high functioning anxiety. He no longer sells drugs in the updated version but is still an anxious bitch! He's the defention of bisexuality and I think we're all here for it. Oh and again cover art is not mine!!

 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6TazLZ91WUuM8D8LgfcCFH?si=kR_Wd2wAQgi68tW43-zqnQ&pi=1J1wVLu8SfyiU

Paris playlist 

Nine- sleeping at last

All the small things- blink 182 

Colors- Halsey 

1. Nine- starting off a little serious with sleeping at last Nine. If you dont know what the enngrams are there Personality types and they each are assigned a number. Paris is a type Nine which is "the peace keeper". I actually have the enngram song on almost all my characters playlist because they fit so well. Paris is a very fun out going character but as stated previously he does suffer from anixtey. He also hates conflict and there's a lot in his life. It's something he really struggled with and has to overcome in the story. 

2.All the small things- This song was a stay tuned when I was in marching band and I think it's Paris' favorite. This a song that kinda just has the same vibe as Paris. I also think he claims it him and clems song which she absolutely hates. It's just a fun song for a fun guy!

3. Colors- Ok there's two main reasons I choose this song. One it reminds me of the poly couple. Speficaly clem talking about both Paris and khole. And also blue is kinda paris' color. I also juts think Paris likes the song! 

Clem playist. I fucking love clem. She is the definition of kindness. She's the sweetest little sugar plus fairy out there. She works at an animal shelter and spends a lot of her time volunteering. She's just so nice and loving she loves so much. She's always been Jens little sister and almost immediately became paris' love interest. Later on I decided she would actually be with khole before Paris but be friends with Paris before khole. 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1xd0GP8HKLDeEK6Yhwzfrl?si=cvmdPvzOS8OufJuuel91tw&pi=wVWg-xr4Q-isC

Clem playlist 

Sun kissed- khai dreams

Paper rings- Taylor swift 

The gold- phoebe bridges 

1. Sunkissed- This is another vive song. This song to me radiates happiness and just good vibes and so does clem. She's a freckley ginger who spends her day at the lake looking at ducks. Like me she thrives during summer. The perfect date for clem would be a picnic on a August afternoon with trader Joe's snacks and homemade lemonade. 

2. Paper rings- one thing about clem she is a swiftie. Yep yes sir! Lover is her favorite album and paper rings again just has such good clem vibes. I imagine she blast this song while driving and she plays it so much even Paris and khole know the words. 

3. The gold- You may not know this about clem but before she started dating khole she was in a very abusive realtonship. I think she listens to this song when she reflects on that time. Also she's just  a pop girlie obvi. 

Lastly, khole! Khole was originally created to be a bad boy love interest for Paris. He chained smoked cigarettes, wore a leather, and played hockey (yes I'm aware no hockey player smokes I was 14 and delulu give me a break)! Heavily inspired by the outsiders by s.e. Hinton he was the perfect bad boy. But uh oh Paris already had a love interest. So that's when they became poly! Also again cover art is not mine! Oh and one last thing I know I spell his name weird I just like it this way! 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2ghLwx02ZC1cnLBmzwHgLr?si=sAIaNE_tQ62Mx6wn8gydoQ&pi=u82d5-fBToG8d

Kholes playlist. 

Sweater weather- the neighborhood 

The kids aren't alright- fall out boy

Do I wanna know- arctic monkeys

1. Sweater weather- The bisexual anthem for are favorite bi baby! I hate to keep saying this but these are just the vibes khole gave off. Very stands in the pouring rain chain smoking traffics in a leather jacket. Very hand on your thigh while driving. Very khole Castro. 

2. The kids aren't alright- when me and my best friend at them time were both devopling khole we deiecde fall out boy was his band. I think part of the reason because it was old dad music and also because it reminds me of the Pittsburgh penguins. This is my favorite fall out boy song and while I don't think I'm gonna make khole as big of a fan as he once was it's important to learn his roots. 

3. Do I wanna know- Now this, this a khole song. Ive now decided more newer khole favorite band is arctic monkeys. Again kholes music taste is very divorced dad rock (he's Overcompensating in because he doesn't have a dad). Basically whatever plays on your local alt rock channel khole has listed to and at the least likes a little. And again hate to say it but this song is just the vibe!

That's all for now my lovelys let me know if you have any questions!

Alec and Todd playist anaylis

 Hi guys welcome back to my playlist analysis series. The name pretty much explains what I'm doing lol and today we are doing Alec and Todd. Alec and Todd have HISTORY so this should be fun! 

Starting off with Alec. Alec is the second oldest k kid and also similar to Todd struggles with substance abuse. It got so bad to the point he went to rehab his senior year and got sober. His playlis really reflects that so let's just get into it! Also the cover art is not mine! 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5C22lSx8D2AkRxVvvFW6x8?si=bGwGWsHrTo60uWrPIVzWNg&pi=e9krZcMOSeuqz

Alec playlist 

Everybody gets high!- MISSO

Your love is my drug- Kesha 

Harsh relam- widows peak 

1. Everybody gets high- Now I'm aware this song is extremely edgy and kinda cringey but I also am obsessed with this. This song actually gave my best friend at the time the idea to make Alec struggle with substances. It's more of am origin story then a reflection on his character but I needed you guys to know the lore. 

2. Your love is my drug- This song repsents Alec and his obsessive beahivour with his boy toy Todd. Alec has been in love with Todd before he realized what love is and over time it got more... exterme. Now I don't think I'm gonna make Alec and Todd as toxic as they once where. But I do think he struggles with obsessive beahivour over Todd. A sort of manic high from a simple text and a deadly low from not getting a call back. It's definitely something he works on but I still want Todd to give him that "teehee kesha feeling". 

3. Harsh relam- THIS IS TODD AND ALECS SONG. This is Todd and Alecs spicy song so let me tell you the origins. I found this song randomly on Spotify and got erbessed. It immediately reminded me of them. This song to me repsents desire and lust and longing. The feelings about how badly Alec longs for Todd. 

Todds turn! Todd character is probably the one that devopled the most over time. He was supposed to start off as juilets asshole boyfriend who Alec fucking hates. Now Alec is in love with him. He's my baby now though he's kinda and awkward and really does a log to work on himself. He's one that's hard to explain but he's by far the most fun to write. I might remake his playlist though because it definitely repsents old todd then new todd. So im also linking alec and todds playlist. And again the playlist art is not mine! 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0ADxoQUQrrJ5eE70ThH9zj?si=2FgsPjp0Qrqtg-Wi457tFg&pi=Pe8vf1D0Rc2b3

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/45WRfZlJ9MJhAmQPh5Jfea?si=b7shnN7PR0KpvdZX62f27g&pi=f6GnnQnpQVqjt

Todds playlist

She thinks my tractor sexy- Kenny Chensey

Wrong way- Sublime

Daylight- David Kushner

1. She think my tractor sexy- Again this is a Ridiculous song. But todds father is redneck so he grew up on country. Todd was supposed to be an evil cowboy. He does drive a truck unfortunately (I hate men with trucks!). I mainly choose this one to show you his yeehaw country roots (he is also a cowboy fan) 🤠! 

2. Wrong way- my friends actually did a little animation thing to thus song with Todd and juilet. This song just screams Todd engery it chaotic and fun and over all just a good time! Also the part of the song the animation was to was the "a cigarette rest between her lips but I'm staring at her tits" and it was juiley sitting in either Todd or kholes truck (yes khole also drives a truck) smoking a cigarette. 

Daylight- This song to me repsents gay guilt which Todd unfortunately has alot of. Todds dad is a homophobic red neck and his mom is a Brazilian immigrate. So being gay was never really accepted. It takes a long time for him to come to terms with his feeling for Alec and even longer for him to let Alec love him. But it comes to the point where'd he rather burn for Eternity if he got just a minute with alec. 

thats all for now hope you enjoyed!!

Im back!!!

 Hi, hey, hello! As you guys may know I went on a little internet break but I am finally back! I'm doing three things in this post because I'm using it as an outline for a podcast I'm fliming tonight. 

The first thing is a rough posting schedule for blogger and YouTube. Now I want you to remember (this is mainly targeted to myself) that this is very loose and will probably change. But thus week this is what I'm looking at. 

For the first half of the week I want to catch up on all the stuff I prefilled so... 

Sunday- How my break was day overall and my first forth wing video

Monday- my first full day of break pod

Chewsday- part 2 break pod and part 2 fourth wing video 

Then for the rest of the break I NEED TO DO MY ARCANE PODCAST!! And I'll also probably do a fourth wing video. 

For blogger

Monday-Wednesday 

Alec and Todd playlist analysis and Paris and clem playist (but don't post them yet). 

Thursday-Saturday 

Juilet and jerrad playlist. And kholes playlist.  And something fun. 

Another part of this post Is catching you up on where I've been! This is gonna be broken into two parts one, goals and two, pictures. Let's start with goals. 

The first goal was obviously to stay off of social media speficaly short from content and Instagram and no posting. The main reason I did this was just to try to action when it comes to my mental health and it did help (kinda). 

I stayed completely of Insta and for the most part short from content for the expection of TikTok where I only watched comfort creators. I technically only posted twice and neither of them where videos! But did it help? 

As you'll see later I had two kinda melt downs while on break. One over my puppy passing and the other about how I don't feel good enough to be reader. But I do think not being on social media helped calm these emotions. 

Would I do this again? Yes! I definitely would! I post way to much and it's a habit I'm trying to break (I'm just lonely lol). I don't think I'll ever get premtanly but it is a goal of mine to spend less time on my phone! 

Next, boring stuff. I also wanted to do school and keep my room clean. I did well in school but my room is a disaster. 

Content creation. My main goal was to do an arcane pod, personal pod for every day, fourth wing pod, and playlis anaylis. I failed all of these expect fourth wing! 

I just didn't do the arcane pod I was to busy breaking down and reading a horny dragon book. I did do three personal pods (counting the one I'm gonna flim today) so that is enough for me. And the playlist I just didn't get around to! 

Now for media! My main goals where to finish fourth wing, read more in general, watch all the twilight movies, relisten to pure heroine by lorde, and binge all of pot roast mom videos! I did none (no further questions at this time). 

Time for pictures starting off with...

The first two photos are me teaching my daughter (salsa) culture by playing lorde for her. 

The next two are event happening in mesa. The first is just random events and the second is a reading challenge. I highly recommend yall join if you live in the mesa area!

The next two are one, my thoughts my first day of break (I was feral) and two me looking up how many books are in the fourth wing series (I was so shook when I found out there was five). I'm also watching my favorite potroastmom video (I watched it three times in one day)!!

Next!

This was me telling you guys to join the reading challenge!

The first image is from a flea markey near my house. Number two is me at the libary. Three is because I started listening to the Paris Hilton Memoir.  And four was me finding a writting residency and watching Smokey glow! 

Lastly!

I did a whole separate post about iron flame but if you missed it I thrifted a 30 dollar book for two bucks! Skipping forward a bit number four was me finding out I only borrowed part one of fourth wing from the libary and am 75th in line to get part 2 #epic! Also our tires weren't working so our trip to flagstaff ended before we got there. Number two was me hanging out with my sisters pig tweek and three is my childhood cow that I sleep with every night.

Ok and now for the final part, shit I wrote today! 

Starting off strong when I woke up at 3 am and wrote a sad poem about my dead dog. 

I still have the I heart my pitbull sign hanging in my room 

And it breaks my heart to explain to someone new I no longer have one 

That even though I still have your leash and collar I no longer have you

I no longer have gentle grunts and long walks to circle k 

No longer doggy cuddles and stinky kisses 

Grief is a hard thing for people to understand 

It's hard to explain that I miss the smell of your paws and the feeling of your wet nose 

It's hard to say I don't think I'll ever stop missing you

And if I do I never forgive myself

Then in the car I wrote this about me and my husband my mistki

I couldn't quite figure out how someone could write about lobe without having it. It took me till I was older to realize once you did have it. Even if it was just for second. It never really goes away even when it is gone. It lingers, they linger. In soul, on your hips, on the bag under your eyes. No one who loved me has ever left me.

Them I announced I was stupid bit also back! 

Guys I got good news and bad news!!! First my break is over! I'm gonna be posting all the content I flimed today, tomorrow, and possibly tuesday!! Bad news is I didn't finish fourth wing. 

Now I know what you're thinking, alexis didn't you say you only had like an hour left and we're about to start iron flame? To which I reply yes! But um I forgot to tell you I'm a dumbass! 

So basically the way I got the forth wing audiobook was through an app called libby. It's basically an online libary. And fourth wing was available so I grabbed it! What I didn't realize is I got part 1! Not the full book. 

So basically what I'm saying is I've read half of fourth wing. But fear not I'm still officially done with my break just feeling kinda bummed because I'm stupid and other personal stuff. But anyways yay I'm back!

After that I had this unhinged thought

There should be a reality TV show where two exs make playlist for eachother and they have to anazylie eachothers. And they never get answers. 

I came up with a new dance today so this is something I wrote about my feelings on dance 

Dancing is the one time I feel sexy and powerful. I don't post my dances for a creepy man to tell me how good my ass look I know how fucking good I look. I do because I love my body and I want to show other woman you can feel beautiful. I've never felt pretty enough to look good but when I'm dancing I feel like a goddess. Like aphordite I'd is in the room with me telling me to keep rolling my hips till I can't anymore! I don't know I just wanted to share this. I love dancing I love being powerful. 

It let's me get out my anger and spend time with my goddess. I know I'm not the best I know I can do better but that's not what's really important to me. It's important how strong I feel. It's important how good I feel. Nothing else will give me that high. 

That's all for I'm so glad to be back! Sending you all lots of love and remember goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the lighting man strike!

Roscoe

 Here's a little poem I wrote about pet grief. 

I still have the I heart my pitbull sign hanging in my room 

And it breaks my heart to explain to someone new I no longer have one 

That even though I still have your leash and collar I no longer have you

I no longer have gentle grunts and long walks to circle k 

No longer doggy cuddles and stinky kisses 

Grief is a hard thing for people to understand 

It's hard to explain that I miss the smell of your paws and the feeling of your wet nose 

It's hard to say I don't think I'll ever stop missing you

And if I do I never forgive myself

I miss you bear I still think about you constantly. You're my doggy soul mate. I'll miss you and leah forever. 

Iron flame thrift find

 

Context 

Guys, tomorrow is my last day of break!! I'm going on a day trip, so I'll probably gonna post when I get back if I'm not too tired. Anyways I just wanted to show you guys an amazing thrift find I found! I got the second book in the fourth wing series (iron flame) FOR TWO FUCKING DOLLARS! I'm gonna write a whole thing on my blog about it but I've been reading fourth wing my whole break and this literally almost brought me to tears. I'm convinced my gods did this!

I just wanted to apologize to myself for not posting at all lol! I've been really caught up in reading and stuff but ive really been slacking on blogger. I plan to start my playlist analysis either tomorrow or Monday (I'm so excited)!! But I wanted to come on here today to talk about a very cool thrift find!!

So as stated I've been reading fourth wing. Technically I've been listening to it on libby (I'm gonna be really annoying about this but please get a libary card and use this app I'm begging you. You get free audiobooks and ebooks but you might have to wait to get them and you only get them for like 21 days. But it's so good please use it). The audiobook is so well done. But anyways. 

I'm sitting in the libary bookstore after doing economics (I'm almost finished with the class!!) And freaking out because I'm almost done with fourth wing. And my dumbass didn't put a hold on iron flame and was gonna have to wait weeks to read it. Which I totally didn't want to do because Impatience is my middle name. Then guess what I fucking see. 

Now for even more context I've been in the trenches the past two days. Speficaly because of reading. I was going through a lot of self doubt and compression because I was convinced I just wasn't good enough to read. I struggle with pyschial booms because I can't sit still and audiobooks I don't know what to do while listening and I get very overwhelmed. Then I saw iron flame waiting for me. 

Now there's two big reasons I'm freaking out about this. One will probably make sense the other won't. First off, this book I later found out is THRITY FUCKING DOLLARS! Also it's a relatively new book and I fucking thrfted it. Secondly I genuinely belive this was a sign from my gods. 

If you don't know three Greek deties I worship. Now to some people this might sound crazy but religion and spiritually is different for everyone and this is what works for me. But remember when I said I was being so mean to myself? I genuinely belive this was my gods (speficaly hermes and apollo) telling me I am good enough. Like this was them rewarding me for actually reading. And I'm so fucking grateful. 

Anyways that's my silly little story about fourth wing! I am doing multiple podcasts about fourth wing (and will be doing the same for iron flame) on YouTube! Currently I'm on a somewhat internet break but the first fourth wing video should be up tomorrow or Monday. 

That's all for now sending lots of love. And remember you are good enough to join any community you want to be apart of!!

La wild fires

 Hi guys I know not a lot people will be seeing this but I just wanted to share some links and resources about the the LA fires. 

Also I stole most of these resources from 

Faythefae and simonsits on Instagram hope they don't mind it was just the easiest way to get information 

Pet/Animal links 

https://support.bestfriends.org/site/Donation2?df_id=7074&mfc_pref=T&7074.donation=form1&_gl=1*4i32nb*_gcl_au*MTc3MjU2NzM2MS4xNzMzNTE4ODgx*_ga*MTc5MDk3NzY0LjE3MzM1MTg4ODE.*_ga_JDV4SZ13C8*MTczNjQ1NzEyMy4yOS4xLjE3MzY0NTcxNDQuMzkuMC4w&fbclid=PAY2xjawHuZUBleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABpoM_fibjD_qE_02FDMyW6tfipMGLJKwWcZ70kmspvlLvPHpq4SqpxCobOQ_aem_rrJm1euebFfTSjOTPZpHTw

https://lacountyanimals.org/?fbclid=PAY2xjawHuZa9leHRuA2FlbQIxMAABpoM_fibjD_qE_02FDMyW6tfipMGLJKwWcZ70kmspvlLvPHpq4SqpxCobOQ_aem_rrJm1euebFfTSjOTPZpHTw

https://give.pasadenahumane.org/give/654134/?fbclid=PAY2xjawHuZcNleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABppMm1sQ-QBoz87-JtDJ4plxVGQ1T0APFPezskD_P25tGUoNZYWeaMH4Gug_aem_UvZCD0y6u1hvVlOcqkV-3g#!/donation/checkout

Other resources 

Praying for everyone in LA please be safe!!