Girlhood

 DISCLAIMER

Everybody's experience with girlhood is different. NOT everyone had a good experience and alot of people had good and bad. And there are some really horrifying parts of woman/girlhood. And I do not have the same trans woman, Trans males, anyone who was born female but isn't really female, POC girls, and disabled girls. It's very different for everyone and just because you didn't experience this or experienced something different doesn't make you any less of a girl or bad. 

Why girlhood is very important to me 

I was raised by a single dad and for the most part have no female role model. I had no one to go to about girl stiff whether it was a silly crush or my first period I had no one. That's why it's so important to me to have accessible education and resources for young girls. That's why I will be linking some stuff at the the end of this blog. 

Ok let's get into it! 

1. Following asleep to something in the background. Wether it's a comfort creator, a movie, or music it's a very girl!

My favs are 

• The new moon audio book and movie

• @couplagoofs and potroastmom

• Rain noises

• My silco playlist 

• Bobs burger

• Whatever movie I'm really into

2. Late night walks and talks

Ok this is what I miss most about hanging out with people. Going on a walk at night and sharing all your secrets. Or just talking about your days if it was really exciting! I love thus so much. 

3. Working with female deties- again this is my personal experience but working with female deties has helped me so much on my journey. I mainly work with aphordite and I just love her so much. 

4. Scrapbooking EVERYTHING- One of my fav things about being a girl (literally anyone can do this this just feels very girl coded to me) is Scrapbooking litterally everything. I constantly make vision boards and have a scrapbook for my dogs. Sometimes it's hard because I feel like I have so much love and no where to put it so Scrapbooking really helps. 

5. Being creative in general (again anyone can do this this is just what helped me get in touch with my feminity). I love Journaling, writting poems, making Pinterest boards, being crafty in general. It all has helped so much healing my inner child. And I really want to have a scrapbook night if I ever get some in person friends lol. 

6. Allowing yourself to feel emotions (everyone should be doing this lol)- now before you yell at me I know everyone struggles with this. Men are constantly told to not be emotional. But first that's not what this is about (this is about girls) second it's important to note that part of the reason they are pushed not to be emotional is misogyny. They don't walk to act like woman. Woman are constantly belittled for having emotions. Whether you ask rude comments like "is it your time of the month" or "She's having another episode". We are constantly put down for feeling. So part of my journey is letting myself feel every single emotion. Now again let me say I'm feeling not acting. Just because I'm angry doesn't mean I should punch a hole in the wall. Just because I'm sad doesn't mean I should do something to harm myself. But I am allowed to feel as much or little as I want

7. Healing my inner child- spending time with my inner child and treating her with the respect she deserves has healed me alot. Now this journey is different for everyone and I've barley tipped my toes into it. But it's very helpful. Little you deserves respect too! 

That's all for now I hope yall enjoyed this. Comment below your favorite parts of girlhood!

Links!!!

Planned parenthood link

https://brigidalliance.org/end-of-year-2024/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Giving_Tuesday&utm_term=Unbranded&utm_content=exact_clicks&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAg8S7BhATEiwAO2-R6rH5OyYFZFn-s0W9etqHU8uns5LFWormKskkJYlyrhobquVdB0aZRxoCaHAQAvD_BwE

Woman health 

https://www.dignityhealth.org/azheart?&utm_source=Horizon&utm_medium=GoogleSearch&utm_campaign=164071174007&utm_content=717313141329&cmp=FYAO_HMI_SRCH_DH_CERG_CEAZ_PHNX_MGMC_CV_NSP_&ef_id=CjwKCAiAg8S7BhATEiwAO2-R6gh-o9m4JdkX_l4fjdYyQx1GoHa71dUI2_qWRzL8u1MmiNVCNH_wqRoCosoQAvD_BwE:G:s&s_kwcid=AL!12184!3!717313141329!b!!g!!women%27s%20health%20center!21140964170!164071174007&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAg8S7BhATEiwAO2-R6gh-o9m4JdkX_l4fjdYyQx1GoHa71dUI2_qWRzL8u1MmiNVCNH_wqRoCosoQAvD_BwE

Resource for young girls 

https://ywrc.org/resources-girls/

Resource for trans girls

https://www.genderidentitycenter.com/?utm_term=b_gender%20therapist&gad_source=1

Writing from today

 Hi, hey, hello! I just wanted to share some poems I wrote today and also have a little vent session. First let's set some boundaries though!

I am not doing this for attention and pity. There are two main reason I'm doing this. One, it could help someone. Two, I need to let it out. And let me also say I am in a very good place. The best three months in a long time. And I am very grateful to have so much time for myself. For self growth and love and just to practice my hobbies. 

BUT

I'm really fucking lonely. I don't really have any in person friends (that makes it sound better then it is I have one friend and he's online). I do online school and don't work (I will be hopefully volunteering at the libary and the animal shelter) so I don't get much social interaction. 

A huge goal for myself this year is to really find community and make friends. Not only do I want to have someone to take candid photos on me and have read my chaotic text I also want to do the same for them. And have movie, lake, and scrapbooking nights. And witch nights! I don't care much for romantic love but friendship (speficaly female friendship is so important to me). 

I want to try to earn some money so I can afford to go to local actives and meet people. But anyways rant done let's get into the poem. (And yes these are angsty I was in my feels today) 

Loving you was like getting dressed after the pool while still being wet

Objectively a bad idea but sounded good at first

Instead of waiting to dry off I shoved myself in jeans and a tank top because I had dinner at Applebee's in ten minutes 

And then you ask through nudes half way through the dinner 

You left me scared and weak 

Like a starving abused cat

I was beginning for love while simultaneously being to scared to get it

Leaving me ashamed everytime I got a hug or kiss or genuine niceness 

I wait for myself to dry now

Because being in clothes sounds good in the shorterm but the longterm its miserable

So I dieced to ditch the jeans and wear pj's 

Let the people at applebees stare

The way my mom remembers her first boyfriend full brithrday and name is the way I'll remembe yours

Lilith spring 10/3/06

I'll collect the little memories and make a scrapbook in our head 

Because you always get the story's wrong

Like are first date was IHOP not Dennys

And the first thing you ever bought me was black teddy bear

That's all foe now, have a great day and, goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the lighting man strike!

I'll collage all our happy moments and glue them on the scrapbook

I'll love you in youth, in death, and in sickness and health

I've been yours since your first look, touch, kiss with me 

The last thing I'll make is a painting of you

 I have a mind of a child with the expections and feelings of an adult

I still sleep with my stuff cow I got from girlscouts
I eat tomato's with salt by the beach
I pray to God every day to save me
But now I'm bigger
But not quite stronger
I get these feelings of grief, and rage, and lust and Desire
It makes me ill
It makes me throw up in my bath tub  all over mg princess costume
Treat me like a woman but I beg like a child
Treat me like a woman but I plea like a girl
Treat me like a woman but I'll never become one

2025 goals

 My 2025 goals and how I plan to complete them (I have like a million so buckle up baby) 

Personal goals

Witchcraft goals

Writting goals 

Content creation goals

Fitness

Art goals

Media goals 

Fun goals

These are my eight categories I want to focus on this year! My word for this year is community (my main goal). AnywayLet's get into it! 

1. Personal goals

My number one absolutel goal is to graduate high-school. I've been passing everything so I just need to stay consistent and on that grind lol. I'm so excited to be done and start college! 

Which brings me to my number two goal

Figure out what college I'm going to and look for scholarships. There's honestly no plan for this I just need to do it lol. Buy if you guys have good resources let me know!

Another big goal is getting my first big girl apperrmnet. I want more space and more alone time (and more area to decorate). The first thing I need to do is start getting money (I plan to pick up a job at the libary and make money off of YouTube. Not only will I have to pay for the apartment but also moving itself and furniture. I'm gonna focus on step one for now but I plan to tell you more about it as the journey counties! 

Four, getting an emotional support dog and Maybe a kitty. As some of you know my angel baby roscoe passed this year. I really just need a friend. But I'm not gonna get any new animals till I can one, take care of myself, two get income, and three MOVE OUT! 

And lastly I would like to find community. 

I'm gonna be honest I'm clueless how to do this but I'm desperate for it. I want friends and a support system. I think my first move is to get some cash so I can start going out more and making plans with the friends I do have. I want to get a little bit of social interaction everyday. 

2. Witchcraft 

I've talked about this before (and I WILL talk about it again) but I'm a practicing witch! I've been practicing for 4 and a half years and working with deties for almost four years. So I have a bunch of little goals I want to complete that I will show but I also have six main ones. My biggest one just simply doing more witchcraft

The tiny ones

Detie/sprite guides

Get aa tarot deck for apollo and my spirit guides

Work more with deties

Do alot more research on them 

Experiment with other deties (Persephone, achillies, and hecate) 

Find each ways to connect with them

Pray to them more and just include them more in stuff

My research books

My biggest goal in this category is to just read more witch things (books, magazines, articles) 

Research deties in depth

Read all of Madeline Miller books

Research crystals, astrology, the ocean, tarot, and myths

Random goals

Do tarot every week

Do witchy Writting and self-care 

Be creative with my craft

Find spiritual community 

My main goals

1. As I said before is just want to include my gods and spirit guides in more stiff. I have three main steps to this.

Communication-talking to them I'm what they like

Invention- inviting them into my space

Inclusion- including them in my stuff 

2. Work with the water more. 

Not only do I want to research it I just want to be in it. Pray to it, use it my craft, spend time with it. Lucky for me my mom's condo has a pool and apartment and I live close to the lake. For the research part I'm gonna see what I can find lol. 

3. Consistency and creativity are some of my biggest goals this yeat. I don't want to just do a little magic everyday I also want to become creative with it. I think the plan to making this one work is giving myself a break when I need it and not forcing anything. That way when I do have really cool ideas I can more easily excise them. 

4. RESEARCH!!! I want to do so much research this year. I think I'm gonna start small with articles and them work my way to to magazines then to books with lots of pictures and then chapter books! I also would love to find some podcast and videos! I plan to do a whole video/blog post about really gold resources. Books I have on my witchy tbr

The shadow journal

All of Madeline miller's books

The Odyssey and the Iliad (not sure I'll be able to these lol) 

The witches year book (a magazine I found)

If you have any recs please let me know!!

5. This one kinda goes hand in hand with number four but I want to read much more witchy things. And again the plan with this one is starting small. 

6. Lastly finding a witchy community! Again not sure how I'll pull this one off but I really want to! 

3. Writing

I have five main Writting goals! 

1. Publish my poetry book

I've been working on my poetry books since 2023, it's completely finished just needs to be published! Hoping that can happen this year! 

2. My secret projects

I have two secret little projects, one being a book and the other a fanatic. The first step to do this is just adding them back into my schedule and todo list. And the next is actually doing them. 

3. If you don't know I've been working on the same three projects since the 8th grade. I want to make them all TV shoes one day and the one I'm currently working on (iggy and elise) I'm redoing (aging up the characters and changing up a bunch off stuff). I want to have season one and two written and a basic idea by the end of they year of how it ends. Again I don't want to rush this so this is more of a request to apollo then an actual goal. The one thing I will say is if I'm in the mood to write I better do it! 

4. Post more on this blog! I love blogging so much I want to post more on here! I also am not gonna be to hard on myself but I really hope I can keep this up. 

5. Finally I just want to post more and wrote more about my characters. I want to do so much with them!!

4. Content creation goals 

I only have four main goals for this topic. 

1. Gain following on platform other then YouTube. Basically all of these goals I'm just gonna pray and hope it happens lol. 

2. Get 10k on YouTube! And start Start a pateron after reaching 10k. Even more praying 🙏. 

3. Build a strong g community. Specially around my characters and stuff. 

4. MAKE MONEY! I desperately need to get cash and I've been trying to sign up for the creator fund with no luck. I'm gonna try to call someone soon I'll keep you guys updated. 

Five-Fitness goals 💪 

I have three this year but first let me do a little disclaimer. There are two reasons I do fitness the main to be healthy and the second being I sometimes enjoy it. It really depends on the day but I don't always hate running, I love long walks, I love dancing, and I love cheer. But my goal is nit to lose weight. It's to help my pyschial and mental health. Anyways let's get into it! 

1. I want to try daily runs 

I know ridiculously I will not run every day BUT I'm really gonna try to. It's really important that I listen to my body and take the breaks I need. And I wany to try to run for longer distances. 

2. Learn a new dance every month

I don't care if it's a cheer or TikTok dance I just want to learn. Like I said with other things the true step one is to just start and add it to my todolist. 

3. I want to learn how to shake ass and roll my hips better (club dancing)

Guys I really NEED TO learn how to twerk. I think the plan for this is to learn to walk away and not get so frustrated. 

Six- art. My main goal is just to be really creative but I have some projects I'm working on/plan to work on. 

Vision boards 

My kin list

One for my fav movies

Fav books

Fav songs

Fav characters 

One for each month

One for all my Ocs 

One for each spirit guide and detie 

One for each zodiac season 

One for college 

Art goals 

Draw everyday (or atleast try to) 

Make homemade cards every month

Draw lots of robert (my oc) 

Seven- Media goals 

Ok this gonna break down in three categories 

1. Books

2. TV shows/Movies

3. Music

My main goals for reading is to read two books a month (and every other month one of those books had to be nonfiction)and just read more in general 

Books I want to read

All of rainbow rowells books

Read a trilogy (I'm thinking the shadow and bone one) 

Finish Twilight

And read more articles and magazines mainly about witchcraft and social justice issues

I might post more about my tbr's it just depends 

2. Movies/TV shows 

My main goal for this category is to watch every single DVD I own but other then that I'd like 

TV shows

Heartstopper

A silly kids TV show (maybe king juillen or penguins of Madagascar.) 

The first two seasons of vampire diares

Any two seasons of bobs burger 

Finish avatar

Movie

The twilight saga

Wicked 

 Lord of the rings and the hobbit

Harry potter

Titanic 

And for music I just want to listen to one album a month and four them have to be new

Eight- fun goals

Ok I'm gonna be honest I don't have a plan for alot of these so I'm just gonna tell you them and hope for the best

1. Get tattoos 

I Want three main ones but I'm open to more and Maybe some piercings 

2. Places I want visit

I want to go to down town Mesa a couple times and the lake once week around summer 

I would also love to go up north and to the ocean 

To a bunch of libraries to thrift

And I NEED to go to the twilight museum in forks (no Idea how I'm gonna do that lol) 

Events I want to go to

I want to go to some libary activities 

Some art and witch fest to mingle and get to know people 

3 concerts

Movies at the moonlight theater (it's a movie on a rooftop) 

Wicked at the asu gamage

That is all my loves please let me know what you plan to get up to in 2025 sending lots of love!

December wrap

hi, he, hello friends! First, I want to say happy holidays and wish everyone reading this a safe and happy new year! First, let me address why I've been gone so long and why I'm coming back {then we'll get into the December wrapped}. There are two main reasons I left one, I got busy two, it wasn't that fun anymore. The first one is pretty self-explanatory I'm in school and just always doing a lot. But let's explain the second. 

My dad always said, "If you're busy you'll stay out of trouble". And that blatantly shows in my life. Now listen to this part very clearly you are allowed to have breaks and take time tow yourself. But I don't no how to relax so my way of relaxing is working. Mainly on my hobbies. Now I plan to become a full-time writer. I'm currently working on getting a tv show produced and a book published. But my other writing content (my Instagram and this blog) is purely for fun. So if I'm not having fun, if I'm busy, if I don't feel like doing it, I'm not going to. 

But I will do as much as possible because it's very fun.  If you want more for me I'm on

Youtube (alexis_silly)

Tiktok (alexis_silly)

Insta

roscoebar1207 (pet account)

(alexis_silly777) (main account)

alexis_silly_write (entertaining really awesome writing account)

The reason I started is because I want another outlet and I post to much on Instagram! 

OK let's get into it!

Let's start with Christmas Eve (all these photos are mainly from Christmas Eve and Christmas). This was my feast with my sister and mom (I have two Christmas #divorceparentsgang) and ity was so good. I've worked really hard on my health these past few months but it was really nice to just enjoy food. I hope all of you had at least 3 yummy things this week! 

My friend sent me a picture of a bear he took because he knows they're my fav animal (literally so sweet I'm gonna cry). I fucking love bears. 

I've been writing so much lately its been so much fun (I plan to post my smut on my patron).

Two of my goals this year are to read more and scrapbook/vision boards more. I don't just want to read books but also articles magazines and maybe blogs. And I've recently fell back in love with visionboarding. 

I might do a whole video/blog post on them \

I've been writing my goals on the back of all of them (my next post is gonna be all about m,y goals)!

Heres what I got for Christmas (I got some small stuff too but these were my favs) I got all my presents from Bookman, half-priced books, and Barnes and Noble!

This was my Christmas fit! I got the little cat Christmas vest from Goodwill and its literally my favourite article of clothing! 

Me and my sister watched Christmas movies all day yesterday! I made them watch the best movie (Jim Carry's Grinch) and she made me watch that stupid Jack Forst Guardians movie. 

 

One of my goals in 2025 is to connect more with the water in a witchy way. I specifically NEED to go to the ocean. I just went to the lake today and I've been spending a lot of time in my mom's hot tub. It's such a good way to connect with my detie aphrodite (she is literally my MOTHER). And it just makes me feel really good. 

Lastly, a little candy bowl offering I made!

Ok that's for now wishing you all a magical holiday goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the lighting man strike!